Thursday, November 18, 2010

Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

I’ve heard the line so many times that I’ve lost count, yet I’ve always wondered if there was any truth to it. Could it be that once you cheat, you’re stuck in that pattern of behavior and will always be a cheater? Curious people want to know!

We’ve all been in relationships that have flourished and nurtured our hearts. Yet, we’ve also had relationships where you’ve come to wonder if your partner was cheating. Some say that once you’ve cheated, you become accustomed to the excitement of being caught and keep doing it for the thrill. Others say that once you cheat, there is always hope that you will change. I have asked myself that question on many occasions yet have still to find the answer.

I believe that once you cheat in a relationship, there is hope of mending it but, there are repercussions to everything you do. I have a few acquaintances that do the contrary…One of my acquaintances has a habit of jumping into relationships as often as she changes underwear. She claims “It’s love”, each and every time, yet we all know otherwise. Then we come to find out that she cheated on her man because he ‘pissed’ her off. The worse part about it is that she doesn’t even realize how dysfunctional she is. I mean, common…every relationship she jumps into, she has already programmed herself to cheat if he doesn’t behave the way she wants him to. If that was the case for all of us, damn, there would be no ‘real’ commitments anywhere and the world would spiral around only sex (which is not a bad idea but let’s be realistic).

I believe the reason people become accustomed to cheating on one partner after the other is because they just ‘can’. The fact of actually just committing the crime of cheating and getting away with it entices you to want to do it again. I know it sounds awkward but it’s the truth. If you let your partner do as they please, then eventually the thrill of ‘being’ with someone else has a possibility of happening. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t necessarily mean that because your partner cheated on a previous relationship, that he/she will do it again. It all comes down to how much you trust your partner and is ‘communication’ a big part of your relationship.

The real question is ‘how do you get over’ your partners’ past infidelities:


If you know that your partner has cheated on a previous partner in the past, and you wonder if it might happen again – this is where you should be communicating with your partner. You must set ground rules to what you and your partner want. DO NOT be afraid to discuss this because it is crucial to the outcome of the relationship. If you discuss this head on, you won’t feel that cat stuck in your throat wondering if your partner is laying in bed with someone else.


Once you’ve entered into a relationship, the key factor to making things work (apart from communication) is TRUST. You have to believe that wheat your partner is saying is the truth. If not, you’re simply falling into a burning fire which will eventually evaporate – and POOF - there goes your relationship!

I think if you cheat once, you might have the tendency of doing it again but in some cases, the person changes their views on life and decides to take the path for the greater good. It’s not because your partner has cheated on a previous relationship that he/she will do it again – yet, we will never get a definite answer to “once a cheater, always a cheater?”


  1. Great Post !

    I’m a firm believer of once a cheater always a cheater.
    Sorry to all who’ve cheated once and have good intentions 
    I personally think that it is a character flaw, and contrary to popular belief it has NOTHING to do with the cheater’s partner.
    If you are not happy in your current relationship well work on it or leave.
    It is a selfish act and unless the cheater does a lot of soul searching and goes through huge personal growth, they will cheat again one way or another.
    For the other party involve, you have to understand that fact, accept it, live with it or move to the next one, there are no grey zone in relationships.

  2. I used to think once a cheater always a cheater. But I have changed my tune. I believe the reason we say that is more about a resolution we make to ourselves than an actual state of what makes a cheater. What I mean is, for ME, if a girl cheats on me, there is no turning back, no second chance, have fun begging for my forgiveness and understanding. However, I do no think this woman is doomed to cheat for the rest of her life. Simply that she won't cheat on me anymore. Just like everything else in life, some people will make a mistake and learn from it, others will thrive in their mistake and repeat it every chance they get. Don't get me wrong, in no way do I excuse the act of cheating. I strongly believe that if you're not happy in your relationship, get out! cheating is just the cowardly way of dealing with things. I'm sure one day I might be confronted with it (either because of temptation or problem in my relationship) but IF I cross the line I know I have nothing but myself to blame... the "other" woman would have a part in it too. That brings me to your other blog about attention whores (AW). I believe most of the time the "other" woman/man would be an AW... the ultimate goal, getting someone's attention alright. Anyways all of this to say that I don't believe anymore in once a cheater always a cheater

  3. Now being a cheater doesn't necessarily mean that you don't love your partner either. It could mean that you just want to have a taste of the other side, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that!